If you have feedback for us, we would appreciate your comments. [...]]]> We have sure enjoyed visiting many classrooms over the past few weeks. As we continue to meet boys and girls from our school communities we are always impressed with how eager you all are to learn, to be involved, and to make a difference.

If you have feedback for us, we would appreciate your comments. Just click on the “Leave a comment” link below. Thanks, Mark & Peter

What types of parents are there?

Authoritarian, Permissive, and Respectful are 3 general classifications. Barbara Coloroso uses [...]]]> As promised, I’ve posted some of the information from Thursday morning’s Breakfast Television program. I was talking with co-host Jon Ljungberg on a segment called, Our Kids. Our discussions were about “Parenting Styles” and “Talking with Our Kids”.

What types of parents are there?

Authoritarian, Permissive, and Respectful are 3 general classifications. Barbara Coloroso uses the terms, Brick-wall, Jellyfish, and Backbone, to describe these “family” styles.

Authoritarian parents are concerned with order, control, obedience, and adherence to rules. The power exists with a parent, or parents, as dictator(s). Sometimes this is a benevolent dictatorship but it does not promote positive learning experiences or independence.

Do you find yourself often saying, “Do it because I said so?”

Are you always telling your kids what to do to control them?

Do you feel your kids will not be able to control themselves in many situations?

If you answered “yes” to all these questions then you likely lean toward the authoritarian style.

Authoritarian parents incorporate the motto, “Children are to be seen and not heard,” into their belief system. They may not say that but they frequently display the attitude.

What about permissive parents?

Do you find that you are “eager” to be liked by your kids; to be accepted as a “friend”?

Is it difficult to set or maintain limits and expectations for your children?

Is it hard to enforce rules?

Parents answering “yes” to these questions lean toward the permissive style.

Permissive parents run the risk of being “obedient” to their kids. These children either run themselves or run the entire household.

A quote I like parents to consider says, “Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein

The Respectful Parent is the parent who balances the two extremes we’ve just looked at.

Do you balance your firmness with kindness?

Do you require mutual respect between yourself and your child?

Do you take time to listen and understand your child’s feelings?

Do you work together to solve problems?

If you are nodding in agreement to these statements then you are working hard at being a respectful parent.

“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren aka Dear Abbey

Let’s face it, parenting is a challenging job. We all have moments of inconsistency where we may fluctuate between the extreme parenting styles. It’s bound to happen as we are bombarded with many stressors. Parents must balance their own needs with their childrens’ or they will burn out as martyrs for their child’s benefit. If you’re working at finding the necessary balance point, feel good about your efforts; they will pay off.

Authoritarian parents raise children who don’t know how to think for themselves, trust themselves, or exercise personal responsibility and self-control.

The children of permissive parents often have difficulty taking anyone else’s feelings or needs into consideration. They are frequently rejected by other children.

The child raised by respectful parents sees her parents values daily and learns from them. They learn how to think, “what are my needs?”, “what are my parent’s, friend’s, and sibling’s needs?”, and “what can we do so that everyone’s needs are met?” Basically, these children learn how to discipline themselves.

How do I find the right balance as a parent? I love the following analogy.

“The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard.” ~ Sloan Wilson

Just imagine the above scenario. Throughout our childrens’ lives we are preparing to let them go, in a certain sense. Of course we want them to stay connected to us but in many ways we want them to become mature and independent. Each step is like a new bicycle ride. We have to find the right balance to offer just enough support so that they can wobble off on their own. Scary? Yes. Necessary? Yes. Help your child develop skills so that you can trust in them enough to eventually let go. That’s what it’s all about.

The second discussion in the studio centered on communicating effectively with your child.

As a teacher I find I’m frequently giving “listening lessons.” I teach kids that to be effective listeners there are 4 steps:

Look at the person(s) speaking,

stay still,

think about what’s being said,

and wait for your turn to speak.

For parents it’s the same thing:

Look at your child,

drop the remote/iron/wrench,

engage with their conversation,

and don’t interupt (get to know how they really feel).

If a parent is an effective listener they don’t even need to have all the answers!

This is the first step in helping a child solve problems, by affirming that you care and are willing to help them.

Dr. Thomas Phelan, author of the “1-2-3 Magic Program” states frequently that parents who use “Too many words,” and “too much emotion” are most likely to fail in their communication attempts with children. When our kids get would up emotionally and start fishing for us to be their “big mouth” bass, we need to set the example. They may be yelling at us but we are not going to yell back. Too many words and too much emotion just put up a wall between us and our child.

If you watched CITYTV’s Breakfast TV program on Thursday, February 11, or just read this blog and would like to leave some feedback, please feel free to.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Mark J.

Where can I go for parenting advice?

Most schools have “family rooms/centers” where parenting resources and family events are posted. It’s a great place to start getting more involved in your child’s school and/or community. Just connecting with other parents can be a relief as you become aware of kindred souls…you are not alone!!

Schools/community club post bulletins regarding parenting programs.

The Manitoba Government has links to Triple P (Positive Parenting Program). You can access their website here

I’ve checked it out and found some good links to materials. Check out the Parent Traps PDF.

Programs like “Theraplay”, out of the U of M’s Faculty of Social Work, work on strengthening child – parent relationships.

Of course your local library has countless books and videos on parenting. No one book or program is going to answer all your questions. Become a professional browser. Skim through books and videos for ideas that make sense. Trust your instincts for what looks good to you and try it. It sounds like more work, for already busy parents, but the payoffs will be rewarding.

Look under “Counsellors” in the Yellow Pages for a listing of numerous family services. Everything from personal counsel to group counselling options, many with a sliding fee for various social accomodations.

I hope this information was helpful. Please feel free to contact me for any other concerns or for more information.

Respectfully,
Mark J.
ph. (204)284-7819

The STARS Program is an intensive six week, half-day program that helps students to improve their classroom/social skills. Students attend their home school for the other half of the day. [...]]]> The STARS Program is a south district program accessible to all south end elementary schools. This program is currently housed at Lord Roberts Community School.

The STARS Program is an intensive six week, half-day program that helps students to improve their classroom/social skills. Students attend their home school for the other half of the day. Transportation to and from the STARS Program is provided by Winnipeg School Division #1 Transportation Department.

Grades 1-3 and grades 4-6 are grouped together with a maximum of eight students per class.

Students learn skills in empathy, problem solving, impulse control, anger management and social interactions. Self-esteem usually increases as a result of gaining skills in these areas.

The STARS teacher, in conjunction with the classroom teacher and the parent(s), will develop individual student behaviour plans which include social skills training, coping skills, and strategies for implementation at their home schools.

For more information contact: Mark Jefkins (STARS Teacher) 284-7819 or mjefkins@wsd1.org